The Start of ...

the next phase in the removal of belongings ... 

Here, there and everywhere ... 

And attempt at logic ... even here ... where it is organised ... 

My time away from the world happened for a reason ....

The only thing though a bit rusty to assist Mum in something I once was able to do ... the confidence taken a bit of a dent ... like my touch typing ... on a full size Qwerty ... and my driving for reasons beyond the confidence ... which was associated with social exclusion ... 

Memories of and In Kernow ...

whilst assisting in various tasks ...

my shoes from time here still up in the rafters ... the noticeable missing art work I took to my own home ... from empty frames ... 

• Shoes
• Country dancing 
• Photos 
• Land rover 
• Larks Mead
• Rocks and Minerals 
• old old photos
• individual Interests ... 
• Vocations 

Saying goodbye and good bye and goodbye and so ruthless at times ... it is throwing up a load of ideas ...

One never has the time for things thought about ... this is leading to things of a diverse and different life of could be's in place of ... instead of's ...

My return task

Is now slightly different... And as with the usual run of things it will no doubt change again ... I am in conflicts for I hope to just get on with it ... today ... As once used to do ... 

Not feel mindfully tied to the home ... It is the strangest of conflicts my old self just getting on outside with my once zest for the outdoor activities to the retreat of being and staying indoors ... 

Another time of feeling trapped ...

Bringing back memories not talked about from that Christmas time ...

Thankfully I was allowing time ... 

But still my head and mouth and heart not good ...  from those times past when dealing with these times in trying to get out that door in the now ... 

At the same time the feelings of trap and harsh negative behaviour that continued after too from  certain people ... 

Tonight was another challenge to overcome. ... And I would not hang up the call until I was reassured ... They were good ... That is why I do not like communications ...  especially phones ... People can't see ... What is happening ... The triage ...  The urgency ... And not coming that time past 

Another legacy from that time when .... A human being was left to die without dignity .... 

Drip Drip Drops ...

The evening spent trying to prepare myself; while having an internal rain fall from the bathroom above leaking through the rafters onto me to deal with ... 

We shall see how this ... in my already dry mouth state will be for the forthcoming time ... 

Allowing Enough Time ....

I am pleased I am aware of my personal time constraints and how life has left me ... 

I have wound everything up ... except the things that are the last minute and hope to enjoy a day to prepare my senses to go in the busy world of travelling from A-B ... 

You get to a stage where things can wait ... And as long as you have your documents and money and personal needs everything else can be what is be ... 

A Day Of Days ...

a bit of everything today ... with the smiles and chats as we go about our interaction ...  when I went  out and up to town. 

My medication not ready as it should have been. They found me in the end. I had already been in Friday. 

Inside the home feeling pleased with the progress made ... and hoping to pick it up seamlessly on my return home from the soon to be time elsewhere ... 

I hope for some more time outside tomorrow. I am anticipating my family keeping me occupied and out of mischief. I am building up my days better with structure. I hope I will not be so tired yet again, and keep up with the pace of life a bit more this time around while I am away ...

The Days Can Fade ...

with the outside interrupting my memories ... today is continuing the continued focus of winding down with the daily functions and what is required in a more conducive environment so life does not slip away some more ... and not to spend time with those we love ... 

The last week consisted of various attempts as is usual in this life that is now ... to get used to the environments, people and clearing the past alongside the many functions of life now ... with the forthcoming wind down and allowing the extra time for the stress that still happens ... to have a bit of a bus man's holiday ...

... now with my newly reunited music in my new piece of updated tech designed to wear on the ears without the wires dangling and getting in the way ... And I can still wear my reading glasses which is helpful ... I can while away the work today to the soothing sounds of quality, that once I was used to ... I have really missed the headphones I had as a gift from my hubby ...

I am looking forward to hearing my favourite pieces of music in this way again ...

where to next?

A Kernow Swan by the bridge on the River Camel 

As per usual all was not transparent with yesterday ... consequently not conducive...

However single minded determination has its uses...

The poem 'If' by Kipling comes in mind 

A one man stand... 

I was not given faith on my plans

after talking with the other people involved ... I think I am more believed now ... other than just walking out as I have done before ... and leaving it all behind ... or the other things I have thought about ... 

if it takes another crisis ... it is 2016 ... all that happened since is even more disjointed and out of sync ... I should not still not have the environment burden surrounding me ... it is getting the balance right not too fast ... and not too slow ... life never works ... well it does not seem to lately ... 

I said to my sister I be checking  the water is turned off, even in my sleep .... 

I am known for sleeping walking when stressed ... 

Day 10 ... Decsions moving about ...

and in full swing ... I have been into task ... Trying not to be too ambitious ... Gently working through the tears today ... Everyday things are part of the result ... When you are let down in the most dreadful way ... It is hard to believe anything will happen ... Especially again last year ....

Cracking on with packing up with a real mixture of a day that entails ....

Outside in ... 

A collection of an item and using different tech to take photos to make a change. One does not need to enter the world outside ... It is coming to me ... at times it is helpful with not having transport currently ... 

The 9th Day of the 3rd Month in the 16th year of this Millennium ...

Which has now gone ...  left time remembered ...  The flowers from the weekend still good five days later after realising things forgotten ... All the tips again from experiencing life ... 

The fact of functioning each day since the tradegy of life that befell in an atypical way to what anyone could imagine ... unless one is in contact with those in circumstances more prevalent behind closed doors, where only the few that enter premises by law to update utilities etc especially in non social housing where there might be no one aware for whatever reason ... And as I know in my experience ... No one from these utilities had the sense to do something about it ... 

And the fact too of it being known especially at the outset I was at risk of giving up ... Too 

Is a massive amazement to this day ... 

Wow ...

Day 7 

Ten days to go ... This is an example of what can still be done if I set to task without negative bother ... Although in wind down mode I had to cope with the stress I try to allow time in the day for ...  As in today ... A stranger at the door of not a good way ... Wanting your money through touting for business and a few other little niggles ... Along the way during this day ... 

There is more space again, created today, ever so tiny for I have chipped away while getting plans set for packing, shopping and to function daily in planning the meals,  although I skipped a meal today ... 

And things put in cupboards and away from the living space and streamlining the space in the process ... I am able to fling about a bit more if I so wished ... 

The stress finally caught up with my nose too ...

my mind took more of a pounding again recently resulting in the usual release of an Epistaxis. 

Day 6 ... All Mothers' Day ...

Eleven days of getting my head around a different routine for a while; leaving things to come back to afresh. I am quietly functioning on these special times. I will be travelling on the next occasion and spending some time on those other days, with others in the similar way. 

Various activities and tasks this week to wind down the works a tad ... Too many things whirl and swirl though ... 

• The Disappearing Desk
• Beneath the Dust
• Perpetually the Kitchen
• Paperwork the now, the annual, the usual, and  the learnings from the failings of the learnings
• Media cabinet moving the now defunct Videos but not our special ones of ... family life  
• The double Bathroom Cabinet removing Time Stood still and hubby's bit and pieces. A basket on a tower shelf in the kitchen of hubby bits and pieces too ... 
• Starting on that room 
• stash busting the more enjoyable but not necessarily have the time for now...

A Productive Day 5 ...

which prompted so many thoughts which in turn with the help of the modern day touch type pads I was able to document into published posts ... and as with a more fluid flow in life never enough time to get all the inspiration out. The inspired that gets to flow out that I do is a bonus. It is the trouble with the suppressed time. I am trying to make up for the lost time. It is against the clock. You can only do so much. 

This is the decisions now being made... letting go of what is impossible to do, with what is left to focus on, the enjoyment of what can be enjoyed and my plans. I am attempting to get through this particular overwhelming time for more of a structure that should have been originally ...

Day 4 ...

Time is flashing by ... Friday this time next week I will have had by now my meds review. A good early appointment. It will be then less than a week of countdown to Cornwall ... 

Travelling on a day always acknowledged by my hubby. That will take my mind off brooding in bedlam ... That is by way of a home ... 

This is out of respect in the way I use that name ... we often talked about the history of this and women and slavery and how history uses people for self gratification in demeaning sex, people and if they are ever so slightly different locking people away or using them on show in halls of fame for money ... The elephant Man is  very poignant ... so too the film or words I read once of many past ... I am not and never alone in how we can still be treated ... 

I have since watched on my own now ... another series of life in film ... I do miss these discussions and debates ...

fresher air for day 3 in the home today ...

the wind was helpful in the night with all the windows I could safely have on the catch ... it feels good in here today ... this is where I miss the back door ... 

We used to have the doors open for a time ... I am careful for my protector is no longer here, and people can take the piss ... until my look ... 

My Dad showed me a few self defence moves for those times I travel alone when I first started leaving the nest ... It now comes in helpful for living alone again ... the way my mood is sometimes they had better watch out for my handbag and a good old fashion clip ... and if able ... those moves ... 

day 3...maybe Moments dependable... on the night before....

• Music Magic...pieces of music reunited with 
• Movie moments with colour 
• Inspired by the wind currently whistling 
• Using my new Biscuit stamp  that is hopefully arriving today 
• Making another new recipe for my main meal of the day 
• More progress in the bedroom to aid a more relaxing time in this room 
• Whatever takes my fancy when I get or not carried away or absorbed in time past 

Day end of ...

A very varied day ... Just like it could be ... Let's hope that solves the mystery of the sub conscious ...  To get a better nights sleep ... A satisfying achievement in the steamy rooms of the home ... 

• The kitchen ... finishing the days baking with melt in the mouth biscuits ... 
• And in the bathroom getting my hair in a better condition ready for a good style I have yet to decide on with my hairdresser from times ago ... When in Kernow soon ... 

The weather is still stormy. I am a bit calmer ... The storm warning on the weather station has been letting off steam again and the trend is down ... 

Day 2 ... Difficult Day ... The Start Of an Afternoon ...

the Time hubby would finally be surfacing ...

For Me ...  I have been up with the lark debating and deciding a solution to my sleep disturbed by constant repetitional dilemmas over and over, driving me stir crazy ...

Destination Bedroom ...

after getting my well being into a smoother flow ... I will tackle where I lay my head .... when I get to this place ... again ... only by certain support has this room ever been considered ... sleep hygiene ... yes ... ambiance ... non ...

Day 2 ... Part 2 ... Start of the Daylight Hours ...

own remedies on sleep ...

Solvings, Solutions, Sleeps, Rests, Rememberings, and Rejections: Moods, Minds over Matters ...

I am more in tune with those who feel rejected in life. Those who feel not listened to. The eyes and ears and minds of others not really with you. When you reveal your inner, inner most turmoils. Ouch!

Empathy not sympathy too ... 

I much prefer writing. Only those too, pass by those who know. Yet it has given a lot in the further reaches of the world. 

Fellow strangers give more at times. 

And only when you die, it gets revisited. Life passes swiftly by, until it is too late. All experiences seen, experienced and been with.

Day 2 ...

My mind does not sleep. I am not understood. That time is scarring on things one cannot see. I do not burden my sister or cousin too much. As I did with the time not talked about. I get on with it the best way  o see fit. In my limitations. As with husband you tire of talking to others.

I will and might do something different tomorrow to see if it eases my sleep again ...

Day 1 of the next Phase ...

ever so gently getting the now, the future and the past floating alongside each other. This is the challenge this month ... A time four years ago the rehearsals and other things were in full swing for the opening and closing ceremonies for the Olympics and Paralympics our daughter and others were involved in. And coming across all things in February from this time. Her auditions details, all the special things from that time. Some of that is still with us. 

This month is very much not getting too absorbed, for a time with different family members are in order, starting this week. And some more of the exposure to the outside environment that can still feel strange while absorbed back in that home from a time that should have long gone by now. 

It is like stepping in a time capsule. Only I do not get to see the people past. Just time and history in belongings and decor.